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Joke of the Day
"What is a jockey's motto? Put your money where your mount is!"
Next Joke
"ER Doc: you know you could have avoided these 3rd degree burns by walking away from the explosion at regular speed Me: did it look cool tho"
"*sees window washer in a harness outside office high rise* *holds up sign from desk* YOU'RE NOT EVEN FLYING EVERYONE CAN SEE THE STRINGS"
"There's nothing more annoying than someone trying to live by their values"
"What's the difference between the Serengeti and the White House? In the Serengeti there are African lions, but in the White House there's a lyin' African."
"Don't apologize because you haven't tweeted in a while. No one cared."
"Her: What's a girl gotta do to get a drink? Me: You just give the bartender your order. Her: ... Me: It's really pretty easy. Her: *leaves*"
"In MILF porn... There's always one motherfucker"
"So there comes a man at the bakery... Bakery closed."
"Yes, I've been in love before. I've also had salmonella poisoning and you don't see me running back for seconds."