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Joke of the Day

"Guys, if you buy ANY woman clothing, & you don't get her a size S with a gift receipt, you're an asshole."

"Why Can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer? Because sometimes, you can get rid of cancer."

"I have this wart. I didn't like it at first, but it grew on me."

"*seductively feeding you chicken wings while you hit on a hot chick ""I'm sorry, I really don't know what a wingman is supposed to do."""

"Our kitchen is starting to look like a middle school science fair"

"When I was twelve, I jammed a tile from a Scrabble set into a Nerf gun and shot my brother in the forehead, killing him instantly. It was an accident though, I thought it was a ""blank""."

"Bank robber: EVERYONE BE CALM AND NO ONE GETS HURT Guy from back of room: IM DATING UR EX WIFE BR: [sobbing] ok only one person gets hurt"

"Did you like www.flower.com? Not at first....but it grew on me!"

"Boss: Can I have a word with you? Me: You just had 7 with me. Good talk. Boss: But.. Me: Shhhhhhh....."

"The first time I stayed at my girlfriends' house, her dad wouldn't let us sleep together. Shame, he's very attractive."