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Joke of the Day

"How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends on how hard you throw them"

"Rather than vote, let's all fill out the 29 dimensions of what we want in a president and let eHarmony decide."

"A boss is like a diaper Always on your ass, and usually full of shit."

"A CHICKEN AND AN EGG A chicken and an egg walked into a hotel room. 20 minutes later the chicken came out smoking a cigarette and said, ""Well, I guess that solves that question."""

"Jesus could walk on water But Stephen Hawking runs on batteries"

"TIL never give up your seat for a lady, That's how I lost my job as a bus driver."

"""RELEASE THE KRAKEN!"" ""Kraken's not here."" ""What? Ugh! What can we release?"" ""Gary's here."" ""Gary?! Dammit! Fine... RELEASE THE GARY!"""

"PRO TIP: Despite the name, never hand Krazy Glue to a crazy person...especially if you're both naked & only have the hotel room for an hour."

"I carpool with a guy & we have officially run out of things to talk about. Today he commented on how well-made the road was. I agreed."

"Why did the Dollar note become 4 Quarters? Because it wanted ""to change"". *ducks*"