176373

Joke of the Day

"Today's workout. Light weights. 1 hour parkouring rooftops on my block. It's surprising how many people have skylights in their bathrooms."

"Joe sent me to John this morning... Boy was that meeting complete shit!"

"My dick was in the Guinness Book of World Records... But then the librarian told me to take it out."

"I didn't know what to wear to my Premature Ejaculation Society meeting... So I just came in my pants."

"I HATE when people rub things in my face. Unless it's boobs."

"I want a girl to go down on me As much as the Pokemon Go servers do"

"origin stories: spiderman: bitten by spider green hornet: bitten by green hornet gambit: bitten by a gam magneto: bitten by magnetic toe"

"A subscription to *Time* is not the most difficult concept to get your head around. I've told you: *Time* and *Time* again."

"Why did America remove the ""u"" from color? Because fuck u that's why"

"What do you call a large pile of kittens? A meowntain."