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Joke of the Day

"My dick was in the Guinness Book of World Records... But then the librarian told me to take it out."

"I think my girlfriend would be a great presidential candidate, Because she's so awesome at bringing up shit from the past."

"Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one *tale*"

"How does Samsung know its most loyal customers? They check with the burn ward. (I'll get my coat)"

"How do shellfish get high? At a clam bake"

"DRUGSTEP: christian parents worried about teenage son ""have you been smoking dubstep?"" ""mom what??"" ""DON'T LIE TO ME WHERE'S THE SKRILLEX"""

"What's green and smells like bacon? Kermit's fingers."

"replace the chair in the Oval Office w/slightly bigger chair every day for next 4 yrs til trump looks tiny + his feet don't touch the ground"

"How do you know if your room mate is gay? his dick tastes like shit"

"So a redditor was on a date with his girlfriend..."