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Joke of the Day

"I say ""post-9/11"" for literally anything that happened in the last 14 years. Madagascar 2 is so post-9/11. Dr Pepper Ten is a post-9/11 soda"

"My boss texted me... My boss texted me: ""Send me one of your funny jokes"" I replied: ""I will send you one l8r, I'm working right now"" He replied: ""LMAO, send me another one!"""

"Why do women wear makeup and perfume? Because they are ugly and they stink."

"Dad: Did you get gas? Me: Ya i got it on the way home from school Dad: Well if you got gas than you better go to the bathroom!"

"Drugs don't ruin people's lives, drug tests do."

"I opened the door last night to carol singers & said ""Do you know Silent Night?"" ""Yes"" they replied ""Well piss off then because I want one!"""

"Me: bless me father for I have sinned. Priest: how long since your last confession my son? Me: about 45 minutes ago..."

"50 years ago, nerds were smart. Now a nerd is just someone who likes Star Wars and eats a lot of cereal."

"At my funeral play the Super Mario original theme until my casket is lowered in the ground then play the underground music"

"I read the following headline in the paper today: ""Woman Beats Off Attacker"""