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Joke of the Day

"""WHAT DO WE WANT?"" ""A BETTER STRUCTURE FOR MEASUREMENT OF TIME THAT ISN'T AN ILLUSION CREATED BY MAN"" ""WHEN DO WE WANT IT?"" ... ""shit"""

"""Your resume says weaknesses: hide & seek"" Yeah ""Can you demonstrate?"" Sure, count to 10 *Counts to 10 & opens eyes* *I'm literally on fire*"

"A zombie opened his frig for a snack. He looked at a human brain, but threw it away... ... it was expired."

"A serial killer walks into a bar... ... And becomes the bartender."

"What do you say to a vampire when he graduates from college? Coagulations!"

"My sis just asked if sugar goes bad. Now I can't stop picturing it bullying the other spices and selling pot."

"Dear Sir/Madam, Your transgender operation has been a partial success."

"A giant fly has attacked the city. Quick! Somebody call the swat team!"

"I have no job, no car, and I live with my parents. Making a Tinder profile as a teenager is difficult."

"Dating tip: Men always remember the woman who vomited on them."