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Joke of the Day

"""WHAT DO WE WANT?"" ""A BETTER STRUCTURE FOR MEASUREMENT OF TIME THAT ISN'T AN ILLUSION CREATED BY MAN"" ""WHEN DO WE WANT IT?"" ... ""shit"""

"Roses are Red, Violets are blue... ...I've got Alzheimers, cheese on toast"

"How do you call the social media that your grandmother uses? Instagran"

"Back in my day, Nintendo Wii meant you peed your pants because you wouldn't move for hours playing Super Mario Bros."

"Always leave the shower curtains open. *things I learned from horrors"

"What does a pizza delivery boy and a gynecologist have in common? they can smell it, but they can't eat it."

"If you could choose between world peace and $100,000,000, what color would you choose for your Ferrari?"

"My friend and I were playing 'biggest number', and for my number I simply multiplied his number by itself. I won fair and square."

"When my husband brags that girls hit on him at work, I just remind him that I make more money than him. We both go to bed happy."

"I didn't hold open a door for a woman and she said 'I suppose chivalry is dead' So I put my sword through her heart to prove that bitch wrong."