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Joke of the Day

"I have no job, no car, and I live with my parents. Making a Tinder profile as a teenager is difficult."

"Sex with me is like WWIII... It hasn't happened yet."

"What's a similarity between Old Navy and Jerry Sandusky... Both of their pants are half off"

"Dear Sir, I am writing this with a heavy heart. Sorry it's so hard to read I should really find a pen"

"[Lab] Co-worker: ""Where's all the microscope oil and acetic acid?"" Me: (with a mouthful of salad topped with vinaigrette) I dunno."

"What does a dyslectic, agnostic, insomniac think about at night? Is there really a dog. Dog lover joke."

"Wife: I made you an appt. with the eye doctor Me: [spreading cream cheese onto Destiny's Child CD] MY EYES ARE FINE"

"LPT: Masturbate before texting your Ex. It'll make you cum to your senses."

"What do nosy peppers do? They get jalapeno business. :)"

"It's racist how they always put Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd in a bad neighborhood."