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Joke of the Day

"This Dollar Store thesaurus sure is coming in... *shuffle shuffle* ...hippopotamus."

"What's the difference between jam and marmalade.... You can't marmalade your cock, up a girls' ass!"

"What is love? You just sang ""baby, don't hurt me."" In your mind didn't you?"

"The Republicans haven't got a single candidate who could survive a Willie Wonka factory tour."

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception"

"Investment question If a leopard and a cheetah both had companies, which stock should you buy? A: The leopard's, because cheetahs never prosper."

"Oh LinkedIn, what juicy tidbits do you have for me today? *raises monocle* Stanley added a skill?! HAHA! That is most delightful! *sips tea*"

"I always keep a gun in my pocket so people won't think I'm happy to see them."

"Mom, what's a Kardashian? It's what a midget can't see over when in the driver's seat. Just kidding, dear. It means whore."

"Brussel sprouts are like anal sex. If you were forced to have them against your will as a child, chances are you won't enjoy them as an adult."