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Joke of the Day

"Brussel sprouts are like anal sex. If you were forced to have them against your will as a child, chances are you won't enjoy them as an adult."

"What's the difference between David Blaine and the NRA? The former has a cunning array of stunts"

"What does an insomniac, philosopher, atheist, dyslexic do at night? Lay awake, contemplating the existence of Dog."

"You never have to worry about love at first sight if you steadfastly keep looking at your phone."

"The worst part of eating vegetables getting them out the wheelchair"

"I've started calling my penis ""Elbow"" Because it's hard, flexible, and it's rude to have it out on the table during dinner"

"A girl from Alabama asked me if I found her attractive. I said, ""You've got a face only a brother could love."""

"If prisoners were allowed to take their own mugshots they would be called, cellfies."

"My wife started her job on a cruise ship last week. My mate asked, ""How's she getting on?"" I replied, ""I'm not sure, I think they use a crane."""

"Where does the Empire buy their robes? The Darth Mall!"