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Joke of the Day

"At the beginning of this year I made a New Year's resolution to lose 10 pounds.... ...Only 15 pounds to go."

"""You know what people really want to see? Season after season of a guy drinking his own piss."" - Discovery Channel executive"

"Last time I went through Canadian customs and they asked me if I had anything to declare, I said, ""You guys make great maple syrup!"""

"I had an omelette with FIVE different types of mushroom this morning. It truly was a Breakfast of Champignons."

"Most of being a parent means saying ""Great!!"" when your kid insists you watch him perform an unidentifiable skill."

"What's a neckbeard's favorite pokemon? M'champ"

"Wouldn't that be a cool twist if World War 3 turned out to be a U.S.-Russia thing after all? ""So retro!"", you'd think as you were vaporized."

"What happened when the Easter Bunny caught his head in the fan? It took ears off his life!"

"*barber hands me the mirror to check the back* ""Looks good!"" I lie, after a few seconds of being unable to get the mirror to angle properly"

"What did the chef say when he cooked up moose meat instead of beef? ""Oh no! I've made a huge MooseSteak!"""