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Joke of the Day

"Remember the guy who got last place in the distance ejaculation contest last year? You should see him now, he's really came a long way since then."

"When telling your dog he's adopted, make sure to mention that you will never love him as much as the dogs you gave birth to."

"I blamed being late for work on Rush Hour... The next day I blamed it on Rush Hour 2 (Original credit goes to @murrman5 on twitter)"

"Friends don't let friends drive drunk but I don't want them staying at my house And that's why Uber was created"

"Q: Why did Bill Clinton cross the road? A: To tax the chicken."

"What happens if the protesters in Egypt win? They advance to the finals against Tunisia."

"Auto correct changed naughty with nausea and it was the best decision i ever made in this relationship."

"Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint."

"What do you call two rows of cabbages ? A dual cabbageway !"

"Got an e-mail today from a ""bored housewife 34, looking for some action!"", so I sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy."