175929

Joke of the Day

"What do you call a red-head ninja? A ginja."

"DAD: My daughter ran away [hands him old photo] DETECTIVE: You have a recent photo? DAD: [shows him 9,674 selfies with the dog filter]"

"The difference between the middle finger and the fourth finger I use my middle finger to say fuck you to you.. My wife uses my fourth finger to say fuck you to me"

"What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing they are both stuck up bitches."

"People say that asparagus makes your pee smell but its also true that your pee makes asparagus smell"

"Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary? It runs in your genes."

"In truth, spiders are harmless* *Save for a few species whose venom reprograms your immune system to tell your body to eat its own organs."

"I'm never at a loss for words when I'm drunk. I just can't pronounce most of them and I make up three or four new one's."

"I see London, I see France! (I'm looking at Google maps)"

"What's the difference between an engineer and a prostitute? An engineer makes a lot of fucking money, whereas a prostitute could make a lot of money fucking."