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Joke of the Day

"DAD: My daughter ran away [hands him old photo] DETECTIVE: You have a recent photo? DAD: [shows him 9,674 selfies with the dog filter]"

"How do you tell if Donald Trump is in your house? I sas Donald Trump today in my house, he had a gun."

"What's the difference between the Mafia and the Government. One of them is organised."

"Facebook is the only place where it's acceptable to talk to a wall."

"What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't? A bellybutton!"

"wish hard enough & anything can happen, they say. yet two hours later my stomach growls & my breakfast still isn't making itself. liars!"

"Me: OMG, Bill and Cindy got divorced!!! Hub: I know! He's got a fresh slate. That guys livin the dream! Me:... Hub:...his dream, not mine"

"I feel sorry for Bruce Jenner. He should have never admitted that he is a Republican. Some things are just better kept in the closet."

"Why was the baby elf sad? Because he was Legolas"

"If you ever come across a bear in the wild, throw a tiny bicycle at him. Then, just let his circus instincts take care of the rest."