17572

Joke of the Day

"Last night on stage at the strip club ... ...was the ugliest woman I've ever seen. She danced up to me and said ""Hey handsome, what would you like me to take off first?"" ""My glasses"" I said"

"Why are rich people so concerned with etiquette? Because they have a lot of manors."

"A lady asked me where my adopted son came from and I said if she doesn't know by now where babies come from it's not my place to tell her"

"Special Hand Job on Olympic Getting a hand job from a chick is like watching the special Olympics... You keep cheering them on but deep down inside you know you can do better..."

"911: What's your emergency? Me: He text me first. Just to say hi. What do I do?! 911: Be cool Me: I sent him a list of baby names instead"

"The TSA was like ""Damn how did you get out of Iraq?"" Iran"

"Wish a poltergeist would move in so there'd be someone else to blame when I lose my shit."

"A buzzard carrying two dead badgers tried to check in at the airport for his flight. The gate attendant told him, ""Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one carrion."""

"I went on a blind date once... ...her name was ....:::..... ::...:..:...:"

"I bet Metallica gets really upset whenever they walk through a metal detector and it doesn't go off."