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Joke of the Day

"Why can't Micheal Bay be a farmer? Because he dosen't have a plot."

"I'm listening to U2 acapella recordings. Just needed to take The Edge off"

"I like my men like I like my coffee... ground up and in the freezer."

"Noah: A boat? God: Yes. Noah: Two of every animal? God: Yes. Noah: I have a better idea. God: What. Noah: Maybe don't kill everyone."

"Why should you feel bad for the gay homeless population? Because they don't have any closets to come out of"

"Me: Siri, did you know millions of people misquote you on Twitter every day? Siri: Tim, I want your polish sausage."

"An Imperial Roman soldier was wounded on the battlefield. His life was saved when he was time traveled to the modern world to be hooked up to an IV. He asked, ""What is that for?"""

"Best pick up line in a gay bar? ""May I push your stool in?"""

"So Twilight jokes - What does a vampire call a used tampon? A teabag."

"My favorite clean joke: What do you do when you stub your toe? Call a toe truck."