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Joke of the Day

"My Fallout 4 Review It's a blast."

"ME: [shouting upstairs] dinner's ready! 6YR OLD: what are we having? ME: you'll like it! trust me! 6: I ain't falling for that shit again"

"Me: Did you hear what I just said? Him: Yes Me: What did I say? Him: Did you hear what I just said"

"Why can't Ganondorf go on the internet? There are too many Links."

"Why was the tomato blushing? Answer: ...Because it saw the salad dressing!"

"Call me nostalgic, but I often think back to when I was just a boy... Before my botched gender reassignment surgery. Things were simpler, then."

"Text: OMG! I can't believe you tweet such vile, offensive, filthy, sick things. You should be removed from society. GET HELP! Love Mom XO"

"How does Tom Brady like his soda? Flat."

"ME: *angrily dragging wife thru the mall* Maybe THIS jewelry store will have one. HER: I don't think you get what a tornado watch is."

"Why are Indians the best pizza makers? Because they always do the kneedful."