174983

Joke of the Day

"Studies show that most New Yorkers are offended by 9/11 jokes. The study also revealed that they thought the other 2/11 jokes were funny."

"What's the difference between an epileptic oyster-shucker and a hooker with diarrhea? One shucks between fits, and the other fucks between shits."

"Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening."

"[on Mars] ASTRONAUT: An alien! MISSION CONTROL: Ok, so A: I choke slammed it MC: What? A: Another one! MC: DO NOT CH A: [choke slam noises]"

"For those who know nothing of how to satisfy a woman: The G spot is located at the end of the word shopping."

"I'm just sick of the mixed signals, babe. One second you're changing your phone number and the next you're filing a restraining order."

"Wanna hear a joke about my dick? Never mind, its too long."

"Why did the Chicken Cross the Road? Because North Korea's nukes couldn't reach him there"

"A Massachusetts man was arrested for illegally keeping over 400 birds in his home. He tried to keep it a secret, but he couldn't keep the birds from tweeting about it."

"[runs inside of a gas station] ""I NEED TO USE YOUR BATHROOM! IT'S AN EMERGENCY!"" *takes a selfie in the bathroom mirror for an IG # game"