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Joke of the Day

"Studies show that most New Yorkers are offended by 9/11 jokes. The study also revealed that they thought the other 2/11 jokes were funny."

"How do you hold your liqour? I hold mine by the ears."

"If things around you don't change, change the thing you're around."

"I did a striptease for my wife but it didn't go well. I got my shirt stuck on my head, and by the time I got it off, she had left the room."

"A classic from my grandfather. How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it. How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way. Unique up on it."

"How do you install ""blackout curtains""? They just get hammered."

"New users will never know about the old Twitter. I'll tell them stories of it, and how I walked uphill both ways. In the snow."

"Wearing a seashell necklace is a great way to let everyone know how cool you were in 1996."

"Teacher: Alright! Is everyone ready for the geography quiz? Student: There's a quiz today?!? I'm not ready! Teacher: Well, how much of the textbook have you read? Student: Nunavut!"

"Imagine how hard you'd cry if you found out your mom had been eaten by a wolf WHILE you were chopping onions."