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Joke of the Day

"White house What do you call someone in the White House who is honest, ethical, intellectual, law abiding, and truthful? A tourist."

"In the beginning, people laughed at my penguin army. No one's laughing now. I'm receiving treatment and everyone's been really supportive."

"I'm going through a phase of categorizing my life in phases. I call this one my 'phase' phase."

"My throat has been sore ever since I ate that tin of beef. I think it felt a little horse. Thank you. Tip your waitress."

"How do you tell the difference between a physicist and a plumber? Ask them to say the word 'unionized'."

"Honey, since I met you, I have never been able to love anyone else. Why don't we get a divorce?"

"Saying someone is doing something ""like a boss"" to me is an insult because my boss does things half assed & incorrectly then blames others"

"Eat 70,000 small meals each day to keep your metabolism going strong."

"Viagra shipment stolen... Hardened criminals on the loose."

"*judge bangs gavel* Ok let's reconvene after a quick 20 min recess *immediately knocks over defense attorney to get to the slide first*"