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Joke of the Day

"Eat 70,000 small meals each day to keep your metabolism going strong."

"I'm for traditional marriage, mostly because I want to know how many goats I'm worth."

"where did Mary go after the explosion?! EVERYWHERE!"

"[ultrasound] DOCTOR: oh my god! HER: what's wrong? DOCTOR: Ok don't panic but it looks as though you swallowed a baby"

"*takes 400 selfies to find one I think is good enough to post* caption: Just a random quick shot, I love capturing these special moments"

"*horse walks into a bar* *horse walks into a bar* *horse walks into a bar* *horse walks into an optometrist* Horse: Holy shit please help me"

"The FDA has approved a new camera that can be swallowed so that doctors can look at the inside of their patients' bodies. So to answer your question: Yes, selfies CAN get worse."

"Guy: Police, yeah there's this black kid harassing a homeless person. Police: You had me at black"

"""Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday and it said that I needed an upgrade."""

"I heard your sister built a brothel. With the bricks your mother got from prostitution."