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Joke of the Day

"I like microwaves that spin the food around because I'm all, oh yeah, hot pocket, looking good, girl, from the front AND the back uh huh."

"Is your smart fridge running? ""Yes? Well can you turn the damn thing off, it's breaking the Internet!"""

"What do you get when a ghost takes a crap? Rectoplasm."

"Is it a blow job or a blowjob? Fuck I hate writing thank you cards..."

"Why did the Jedi kill his master? To get to the other side."

"Help! Has anybody seen a little boy with a corndog? Stranger: He's over there! Oh thank God! [steals little boy's corndog and runs away]"

"The first Annie was a ginger top. Now we have a black Annie. What's next? A young feminist orphan Annie?"

"What do you call a muslim, jackie gleason impersonator? Muhammed muhammed muhammena."

"""how did your husband die?"" A mixture of marijuana overdose and homosexuality. r.i.p miss you every day."

"I told the doctor I had to see him right away because I thought I was shrinking He told me he was busy and that I'd have to be a little patient"