174402

Joke of the Day

"They told me I would miss my family. I never miss at close range."

"Did you hear about those new corduroy pillows? They're making head lines..."

"I went for a run today. What the hell is wrong with you people why would you do this to yourself you need help."

"Jack and Jill went up the hill.... And Jill came back with an IPhone 7"

"I save an average of $5 per tank of gas by filling up at Costco. I'll have enough saved to buy a house in about 1,200 years."

"Did you hear about how the Police were called to a daycare yesterday? a three-year-old was resisting a rest"

"""Just how serious are you about keeping me as a customer?"" *slides hand across table to take a second promotional pen"

"Why couldn't the Dukes of Hazard visit Mecca? Because that's just a little bit more than Allah will allow."

"I shouldn't. Ambien: YES. You should. But I'm naked. A: EXACTLY. Ok, fine. *stands up* I HAVE A REASON THESE TWO SHOULD NOT BE WED!"

"her: I have this weird fantasy where my man shaves me while I sleep me: k her: *wakes up with no eyebrows"