200092

Joke of the Day

"""Just how serious are you about keeping me as a customer?"" *slides hand across table to take a second promotional pen"

"My handwriting has slowly morphed from cheerleader to serial killer to elephant with a paint brush."

"Sometimes my stomach will make a noise and my brain will be like ok I never signed off on that"

"My face is very symmetrical...over the x-axis :("

"I fall in love too easily. Wait.. It's ditches, I fall in ditches too easily"

"Darth Vader: What is the temperature of my son's lightsaber? Lukewarm."

"How many friendzoned guys does it take to change a light bulb? None, they'll just keep complimenting it and get mad when it doesn't want to screw."

"Sometimes I just want to slap the stupid out of people, but I'm worried it'd take up my entire day"

"A local police department was broken into tonight - reports say all the toilets were stolen. Police say they've got nothing to go on. (This joke courtesy of my dad)"

"Why don't women get hit by trains? There is no railroad tracks between the living room and the kitchen."