174357

Joke of the Day

"Women usually love when I compliment them on their youthful appearance. But this lady is obviously upset over comments about her pimples."

"4 stages of a relationship: 1) Hand in hand 2) That in hand 3) Hand in that 4) That in that"

"*wife walks in* *sees cheese balls everywhere* *shakes head* ""what? 8 won't get better at catching food in his mouth if we don't practice"""

"WHAT DO THE TEENAGERS CALL...... What do the teenagers call the Asian red light district? Vachina Town"

"Why does Peter Dinklage drink Smirnoff? Because he can't reach for the Grey Goose"

"Why does Ms. Piggy use honey and vinegar douche? Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork."

"I once stood 2 Twix bars up. Allahu Snackbar! (It was originally ""Allahu Akbar"", but u/Disagreeing_Man made it funnier.)"

"What's Bill Corby's favorite type of Jello? Grape. The ""G"" is silent. Just like his lovers. Edit: I can't edit the title, I suck at spelling -_- (and proofing)"

"What do you call a Tolkien creature who studies insects? An *Ent*omologist"

"I swallow at least one note per meal that says ""we're all really proud of you,"" in case the person who does my autopsy is having a bad day."