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Joke of the Day

"I once stood 2 Twix bars up. Allahu Snackbar! (It was originally ""Allahu Akbar"", but u/Disagreeing_Man made it funnier.)"

"My wife dared me to yell out ""HURRY UP HAYDEN"" at Disney World. Now we have 27 blonde boys & 8 girls following us like Children of the Corn."

"Wish I could focus on anything with even half the intensity of my dog watching me eat yogurt."

"What begins at the end and ends at the beginning? Back to school ads"

"Someone told me to stop singing Wonderwall I said maybe"

"Knock knock who's there Jo Jo who? Jo moms!"

"Ted said to his friend 'can you lend me $10?' 'But I only have $8' his friend replied. That's OK you can always owe me the other $2!"

"Good news, you survived the horrific car crash. Sadly we couldn't find the other guy's arms but we managed to reattach all four of yours"

"Pity Teacher writes down the word 'pity' on the blackboard. Suddenly, I think to myself ""Oh, it's what comes after forty-nine..."""

"Me flirting at a party me: so what's your major her: radiology me: oh cool AM or FM?"