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Joke of the Day
"Why does Ms. Piggy use honey and vinegar douche? Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork."
Next Joke
"What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything"
"I need a new bank account. This one has run out of money."
"What is the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich? I don't fuck a sandwich before eating it."
"Yelling at a dog... Yelling at a dog to stop barking doesn't work. The dog just probably thinks, 'Awesome, now we are both barking!'"
"What is Forrest Gump's email password? 1forrest1"
"[getting a haircut] BARBER: anything else? ME: cut me BARBER: what? no ME: like sweeney todd BARBER: i'm no- ME:make me into a pie"
"Where do you drown a hipster? In the mainstream."
"When I'm at a bar with my cousin she doesn't think it's funny when I yell 'BUT HE'S YOUR GYNECOLOGIST!' every time the music dies down."
"Did you know you can tell the gender of an ant by throwing it in water? If it sinks, girl ant. If it floats, buoyant."