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Joke of the Day

"Today is a military command: March Fourth!"

"What does Shrek say when he wins a game of chess? Shrekmate."

"*you see a bear approaching* ""quick play dead!"" *bear runs up to you* ""OH GOD. WHO DID THIS TO YOU. ANSWER ME. WHO DID THIS TO YOUUUU"""

"Why did the LAPD leave the Dodger game early? They wanted to beat the crowd."

"Today I Stumbled across something Very Tragic. I found a little baby in a dumpster. Everyone should know by now babies go in the Recycle bin."

"Me: ""I'm thinking about running a marathon again"" Her: ""Wow, you have ran a marathon before?"" Me: ""No, but I have thought about it."""

"how many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh TEN TICKLES AHAHAHHAHAHAHA this is my favorite joke"

"Porn websites should end in .cum"

"I can tell by the way you keep snapping your gum in my ear that you really don't value your life at all."

"Cats are so lucky. Nobody thinks twice when they run from company and hide under the bed. I do it and its ""weird""."