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Joke of the Day

"*you see a bear approaching* ""quick play dead!"" *bear runs up to you* ""OH GOD. WHO DID THIS TO YOU. ANSWER ME. WHO DID THIS TO YOUUUU"""

"My New Years resolution is to quit doing dick jokes. It does limit my material though. It does makes it...hard."

"""Officer, what can you tell us about the break in at the bakery today?"" ""Man I've seen all kinds of thieves in my career, but this one takes the cake"""

"forget about gun laws, there needs to be more focus on who can own an acoustic guitar"

"My relationship is like 2 Girls 1 Cup It started off beautifully but got shitty real quick."

"What do you call a grasshopper with no legs ? A grasshover !"

"What did the police say when they finished interviewing Dylann Roof? You're hired"

"I like to hangout with people that make me forget to look at my phone."

"Is it ok if i touch the paintings i have poor eyesight. also i have to have BBQ sauce on my hands because of religion"

"What did one Christmas ornament say to the other Christmas ornament? Let's hang."