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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend used to smoke regularly. Then i slowed down and started using lube."

"I was cumming into a sock... when the guy wearing it was like WTF?!"

"Alex: A ship that has sunk What is my relationship? Alex: No sorry tha- [glares at wife] I'll take YOU RUINED MY LIFE KAREN for $800 Alex"

"What I say: ""Does anyone need anything from the store?"" What I mean: ""I'm off to smoke a bowl in my car so I can deal with all of you."""

"Why can't the bicycle stand on its own ? Because its two tyred"

"What's the hardest thing about being a pedophile? Just trying to fit in, really."

"Why was the baby elf sad? Because he was Legolas"

"Little Jewish Boy A little jewish boy comes up to his father and asks for 40 dollars for a school field trip. His father looks down at him and says ""30 dollars, what do you need 30 dollars for?"""

"My science teacher said he was going to show me his transistor. Imagine my surprise when a woman with a penis showed up."

"What kind of people are always in a damn hurry? Russians"