173521

Joke of the Day

"""Hi, I'm here for Paradox Club."" -Actually this is Oxymoron Club. ""Ok, same difference."" *looks at group* -Oh, this guy is good."

"What is the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it."

"Light a man a fire... Light a man a fire and he'll be warm for the night. Light a man afire and he'll be warm the rest of his life. (I know it's a repost, but I've never seen the play on words, shame)"

"What do you call sleep walking nun? Roaming Catholic"

"Why don't mexicans have checking accounts? It's too hard to spray paint your name on the little line."

"Me: You can just keep that pen. Coworker: Sure? Me: Yeah. I noticed you don't wash your hands in the restroom. Cw.. Me: I told everyone."

"a horror film where the victim walks into her kitchen and everyone she's muted on twitter is standing there drinking coffee"

"what do you call a crappy sock puppet? sock pooppet"

"So the other day I tried to bring 2 dead raccoons on an airplane... but the lady at the desk told me a second carrion costs extra."

"The speech Trump gave was inspiring... But it sounded better with the original german wording."