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Joke of the Day

"a horror film where the victim walks into her kitchen and everyone she's muted on twitter is standing there drinking coffee"

"It was my first time, I was nervous The first time I had sex I was really nervous, so I imagined my partner naked, it didn't help."

"What did the stop light say to the car? Don't look I am changing"

"When I die, I want you to carry my casket So you can let me down one last time."

"James calls a doc for help... Doctor my wife is pregnant. She is having pain right now. Doctor: Is this her first child? James: Nope. It's her husband!"

"I think my car must be Jewish It always needs to be gassed."

"What's blue, standing in the kitchen? STFU, I can paint my wife any colour I want!"

"Thank you everyone! As the newest mod of /r/news, I would like to say [removed]"

"Saw a guy with three lip-ring piercings on the subway today. Took everything in my power not to attach a shower curtain."

"Some people have sex to make a baby but I prefer the old fashioned way of capturing a wild baby, and that's how I ended up in jail"