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Joke of the Day

"So John cena wakes up from a coma... He asks the doctor ""where am I?"" The doctor says ""ICU"" And John cena says ""no you don't"""

"Things I'm never going to do: - Give you up - Let you down - Run around - Desert you - Make you cry - Say goodbye - Tell a lie - Hurt you"

"What's the difference between a pest and vermin? Walt Disney."

"*Buys new iPhone* *Crosses road tweeting about it* *Accident* *Dies* *Makes entry in heaven* - Sent via iPhone."

"I miss lost brain cells the most when I can't find my car keys. Also, my car."

"I fucked up making my coffee today \#nofilter"

"A guy died from arteries clogging. The doctors' efforts were in vein."

"Botox doesn't make you look young, it makes you look like you think you're old."

"What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a small child? Eric Clapton wouldn't let the bag of cocaine fall out of a window"

"Not sure why me wife is only mad at me. My 4 year old forgot her birthday too."