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Joke of the Day

"Things I'm never going to do: - Give you up - Let you down - Run around - Desert you - Make you cry - Say goodbye - Tell a lie - Hurt you"

"Fred keeps telling me that he's going to marry the most beautiful girl in the world. Oh what a shame! And you've been engaged for such a long time!"

"How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Juan"

"I complimented someone for their amazing mustache. I don't understand why she threw a fit though."

"Pearl Harbour 9/11'd Josh Hartnett's career. Three disasters in seven words that make a fully coherent sentence. Can anyone do better?"

"PSA: If you're about to be arrested, climb to the roof of a nearby court. You are now 'above the law' & literally can't get in trouble ever"

"Change is inevitable Except when it comes to vending machines."

"What do you call a prostitue from Maui? ""Hana Ho"""

"So Hitler writes a porno... It's title: *Mein Kampfidential*"

"While standing in the queue looking at my phone... I'm online online"