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Joke of the Day

"*Buys new iPhone* *Crosses road tweeting about it* *Accident* *Dies* *Makes entry in heaven* - Sent via iPhone."

"[if Lois Lane was a witness] Criminal: *puts on glasses* Lois Lane: I'm sorry, I've never seen this man before."

"Why did the H kill itself? because the G had"

"Why is Stevey Wonder Smiling all the time? He doesn't know he's black."

"Penises are like internet connections Having a big pipe is great, but it doesn't do you much good if you don't have any uptime."

"Why do sharks live in salt water? Pepper water makes them sneeze."

"Patient: Doctor you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress I keep losing my temper with people. Doctor: Tell me about your problem. Patient: I JUST DID DIDN'T I YOU STUPID BASTARD!!!"

"I've invented a new sex position: the 114 I was 69ing with this girl wen her husband came home and shoved a 45 up my ass"

"Why are all the ladies attracted to Voldemort? Because of his hex appeal."

"Did you hear about the Mexican Train Killer? He had loco motives"