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Joke of the Day

"Life hack: Go into a promising career field with good benefits and a 401(k) because you're not talented enough to be famous"

"mom, pull over imma bout to throw up... West side california!! wit uppppp"

"Who was the only president that was not guilty? Lincoln. He was in a cent."

"What's the difference between your mom and a pizza? A pizza doesn't beg me to keep going when I'm eating it."

"co-pilot: ""ask in a way that won't panic everyone"" pilot: ""ok"" [via intercom] ""is there a fireman on the plane?"""

"Did you know you're 10 times more likely to be robbed in your home town than in New York city? That's because you don't live in New York City"

"Did you know people that often misspell have the same blood type? Type-O"

"Black Friday Matters!! No, all Fridays matter."

"Did you hear about the paranoid dyslexic? He thought he was following someone."

"What did the Zen master say to the hot dog vendor? ""Make me one with everything."""