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Joke of the Day

"Dad: ""Hey son, what has four legs and doesn't breathe?"" Son: ""Haha, you can't fool me again Dad! A chair!"" Dad: ""Not this time, son. Our dog died."""

"The hardest part of eating a vegetable... Is the wheelchair."

"What's the difference between the Harriet Tubman and the Red Hot Chili Peppers? Harriet Tubman was a heroine to the slaves; the Red Hot Chili Peppers are slaves to the heroin!"

"About 2/3 of the Atheists I know were raised catholic, and I can't help but wonder... Was the sex really that bad?"

"So the Disney alligator killed the 2 year old recently. I hope the alligator has a good time with the gorilla."

"I lost my job at the suicide hotline. Apparently reverse psychology isn't very well accepted."

"If you could have sex with one person you've had sex before.. would it be with your right or left hand?"

"Got caught stealing a utensil set earlier... I was a whisker away."

"""Welcome to 9-1-1, Florida. If you're calling about a matter related to George Zimmerman, please press 2. Otherwise, stay on the line..."""

"A dad and his son are getting competitive while playing Smash Bros. The dad says: ""I fucked your mom!"" To which the son replies instantly: ""Yeah, well I've been deeper inside her than you'll ever be!"""