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Joke of the Day

"""Welcome to 9-1-1, Florida. If you're calling about a matter related to George Zimmerman, please press 2. Otherwise, stay on the line..."""

"My dog never listens to me, and I think he might have a speech impediment... He keeps balking at me when I try to tell him to be quiet"

"I didn't plan on getting a brain transplant... But then I changed my mind."

"When I listen to Nirvana I want to blow my head off with the nearest shotgun."

"I read in the news today that a man in Los Angeles was killed when he got caught up in a turf war. I wonder if he was mowed down?"

"What do you call it when two well endowed astrophysicists have a gay sword fight? A Large Hardon Collider."

"Yo mamma so dumb..... That she climbed a glass wall to see what was on the other side."

"Did you hear about the guy who had to be exorcised? He couldn't pay the priest afterwards and got repossessed."

"How many electricians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 1, it's a goddamn electrician, what'd you expect?"

"How does Princess Leia masturbate? Hand Solo"