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Joke of the Day

"me: Hi it is nice to meet u. I am Jeff date: Are u reading off notecards M: Yes sex at ur place sounds gr-wait crap these are out of order"

"For class, my son had to create his own mythological god. He created Chillux, the god of relaxation, whose house is full of hammocks."

"According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid."

"How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb. Two. One to hold the light bulb and the other to hold the penis. I mean mother. Shit, I mean ladder."

"The German players enjoyed some Argentinian steak today... but it was a little Messi"

"What sound does a Japanese camera make? ""Crick"""

"How do you know a cat is ready to leave? He makes a fe-line for the door."

"What did the Palestinians do to honour Yasser Arafat when he died? They gave him a 21 stone salute!"

"My TWILIGHT ZONE plot idea: The sole survivor of the apocalypse finally has time to listen to podcasts but still doesn't feel like it."

"I'm a heavy sleeper... Also, a heavy awaker... Okay, I'm fat."