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Joke of the Day

"Just saw the coolest magic trick! Ticketmaster turned a $15 concert ticket into $38.95"

"technology has now advanced so far i can no longer tell the difference between people using hands-free earphones and people on drugs"

"""Good for you"" was said unsarcastically only that first time."

"Q. Why do men like smart women? A. Opposites attract."

"Pimple Be Like Pimple : Where Are You Going ?? Me : Partying with Friends Pimple : Ok, I'm Also Coming then!!"

"Hate to brag, but a cute fireman gave me his number today. It's only 3 digits & he said it's only for emergencies, but I know what he meant"

"This pumpkin spice toilet paper seems unnecessary, but I'll taste it nonetheless."

"What do you call promoting a broom to the highest rank in the military? A Sweeping Generalization."

"I'd like to schedule a disappointment."

"""I JUST WANT TO PUT A BABY IN YOU!"" -me, trying to put a crib together"