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Joke of the Day

"Asian Keanu arrives at party. Asian Keanu gets bored. Asian Keanu Reeves."

"MURDERER: *while murdering me* I feel like you're not taking this seriously. ME: *eating a Belgian waffle* Wut?"

"Mac & Cheese doesn't contain many vitamins, so it's important you always eat a bunch of it."

"my brother turned 30 this weekend and i'll never forget what mom said when dad told her we're growing up too fast ""they're eating dog food"""

"What did Ryu say when I asked if I could have some of his food? ***SHORYUKEN***"

"A fly gets hit by a truck. what is the last thing to go through it's head? It's arse"

"My 85 year old Grandfather just burned me so hard... Me: ""Hey Pup, know what I've been thinking?"" Pup: ""Is that what I smell burning?"""

"What's the difference ? What's the difference between getting your girlfriend pregnant and asking how her day went? There is no difference, you always regret both!"

"a guy got an Interview for a job with EA Boss: the second part of your resume is missing Applicant: for the second part you have to pay 20$ Boss: welcome on board"

"""Relax. It's not a competition."" ""Right. That's what I say."" ""But I said it first."""