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Joke of the Day

"No one cared about leaving children in cars when I was young. I lived in the back of an old Buick with a pack of wild dogs until I was 9."

"What's the difference between a Baby Hobbit and Taco Bell? One throws shire fits, and the other gives you fire shits."

"I asked Siri "" surely it isn't going to rain tomorrow"" and he replied "" yes it is, and don't call me Shirley""...turns out I left airplane mode on"

"The mechanic has informed me that the shrieking sound I hear in my car on my way to work is apparently me."

"The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop and says ""can you make me one with everything?"" After he received the pizza, he waited. ""Where's my change?"" ""Ah, change comes from within."""

"Did you hear about the new protagonist in Mass effect 4? It's Commander Lamb. (From a friend of mine... Told it to me while we were in a party chat)"

"What does a vegetable get in bowling? A-spare-I-guess"

"A terrorist walks into a Christmas party Just kidding. He drove."

"'Escalator' is what He-Man's enemy is called in Spain."

"Does anyone want a free microwave? Contact me. We can talk about how we both want a free microwave"