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Joke of the Day

"I asked Siri "" surely it isn't going to rain tomorrow"" and he replied "" yes it is, and don't call me Shirley""...turns out I left airplane mode on"

"The worst thief ever came to my birthday party today. I mean, I've seen other thieves, but this one took the cake."

"What is worse than raining cats and dogs ? Raining elephants !"

"Fun prank: tell your kid World War II ended by the Americans dropping an F-bomb on Japan. Then later when his teacher calls, act shocked."

"For every movie about Vietnam starring Chuck Norris, the historical duration of the war decreases. Just 3 more ""Missing in Action"" sequels, and that war will have never actually existed."

"Why was the vampire thought of as simple-minded? Because he was a complete sucker."

"Every man hopes to marry a nymphomaniac; but in many marriages, after a few years the nympho leaves, but the maniac stays."

"Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mom."

"What do you call a man who revives black people from the dead? A Negromancer"

"I think the best thing about being a house wife is that you would get to be married to a house!"