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Joke of the Day

"A terrorist walks into a Christmas party Just kidding. He drove."

"There's no easy well to tell your girlfriend that she has bad breath. I think I'm just going to stop kissing your girlfriend. edit: meant to say ""way"" instead of ""well"""

"My mother said that I looked ""cheap"" with my bra showing underneath my clothes - so I took my bra off."

"[walks into my bedroom to find my sister having sex with my bf] SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS I CAN'T BELIEVE UR DOING THIS TO ME THAT'S WHERE I EAT!!!"

"The only honorable thing I've ever done in my life is this girl named Judy. Although, I'm starting to have doubts she was a real judge."

"if you can't handle me at my worst, you're probably that gutless Outback Steakhouse shift manager who called the cops on me last night"

"What spice is the most welcoming? Cumin"

"Parent Tip: don't tell your child ""I'm waiting, I can wait all day if I have to"" unless you've actually cleared your schedule for the day."

"Have you heard about the Flint, Michigan football team? Their lead is unstoppable!"

"oh so you rich guys throw the water out after you boil hotdogs. too good for hotdog soup. too good to dab the soup on your wrists like colog"