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Joke of the Day

"I would be a better president than Donald Trump This is probably the wrong place to post this because that's not a fucking joke."

"Couldn't remember the girl's name from last night so I brought her to Starbucks."

"Vampire selfies are just phones floating in front of bathroom mirrors."

"While drinking my afternoon coffee, I oftentimes stare out the window... and ask myself: Would prison be all that bad?"

"Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go to the toilet? Because the P is silent!"

"*pops out of casket at funeral* ok but when I actually die you guys better have nicer things to say"

"I love avocados in my salad I would go buy some right now, but I don't have a car doe"

"Reddit's attention span"

"Why are Americans bad at league of legends? Because they can't defend their towers!...i'm gonna get stabbed"

"I never make my guests take their shoes off at the door because it takes them longer to get out when I want them to leave."