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Joke of the Day

"*pops out of casket at funeral* ok but when I actually die you guys better have nicer things to say"

"What do you call a bunch of pro wrestlers hitting each other with blocks of cheddar and wheels of gouda? Battle Royale with cheese."

"I bought my wife a pen for her birthday. I should have got a better one though, she keeps getting out."

"Everyone in my family is quite wealthy and successful... ...but I hate following the crowd, so I decided to become a panhandler instead. I beg to differ."

"My friend fell into the gelatto machine. Ice creamed in terror."

"A programmers wife asks him to go to the grocery She says ""Get a gallon of milk. If they have eggs, get 12."" The programmer returns with 12 gallons of milk."

"What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer"

"What did the candy say as they saw a group of intimidating crackers approach? Cheez It!"

"The janitor lady for my apartment building asked me out on a date & said she had some weed. I told her I'm not into high maintenance women."

"what vegetable really likes to party? turn-up"