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Joke of the Day

"I'm taking a vacation before I start a new job. I asked my girlfriend if she'd like to drive through Manitoba along the Hudson Bay to Rankin Inlet. She told me she was having Nunavut."

"Where do cats go once they have used up all nine of their lives? Purrgatory."

"What's black, has bite marks and isn't needed any more? Philip Hoffman's belt."

"NEVER date someone that works for your cell phone provider. You're welcome."

"Just wrote ""58008"" on my calculator app and when I turned it upside-down, it auto-orientated back to the right way up. I hate the future."

"Oldie but a goodie Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper? He sold his soul to Santa."

"If only politicians kept their campaign promises... like Harrelson keeps his rampart."

"Why does Bernie always hold the podium while giving a speech? It's tough to stand on your own when you have no spine."

"what do you call a fraction where the numerator is bigger than the denominator?(dirty joke) missionary position."

"When you drop the toilet paper and the roll world unravels before your eyes"