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Joke of the Day

"Just wrote ""58008"" on my calculator app and when I turned it upside-down, it auto-orientated back to the right way up. I hate the future."

"What is the Puerto Rican national anthem? Row row row your boat"

"""I hate you but I'm not in hate with you."" - Murderer delicately explaining why he left a victim with only a light stabbing"

"TIL of a soccer player that is never invited to any parties He is just too messi"

"Officer! That guy threw sodium chloride at me! Police officer: That's a salt!"

"My wife left me because she said I had a drinking problem After she left I lost the urge to drink."

"The pizza guy just said ""see u tomorrow"" Maybe I eat too much pizza ..."

"What did Miss Piggy's boyfriend do after he found out she was unfaithful? Kermit suicide."

"""What time is it?"" *pulls out phone, checks Twitter, puts phone away* *Still has no idea what time it is*"

"Husband for sale: 1972 model, white in colour, a bit hard on gas but comes with a spare tire."