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Joke of the Day

"Two things Twitter cultivates and encourages: 1. instant gratification 2. sense of impatient entitlement 3. misunderstanding of basic math"

"How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? Only Juan."

"How do mermaids have sex? They mermate"

"If McDonalds sold hot dogs would you be able to (w/ a straight face) order a McWeiner and tell them to supersize it?"

"Sleep is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is the police."

"Getting white carpet installed, then inviting everyone over for a spaghetti sauce and red wine party."

"What rhymes with ""hug me""? Chutney."

"If I ever wake up miniature I'm going to use a ravioli as a pillow and just go back to bed."

"Why didn't the bunny get the job as a marsupial? He wasn't koalafied!"

"Failed my biology test today... ...They asked, ""What is commonly found in cells?"" Apparently ""black people"" wasn't the correct answer."