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Joke of the Day

"Two things Twitter cultivates and encourages: 1. instant gratification 2. sense of impatient entitlement 3. misunderstanding of basic math"

"Guy calls to HR: - Hi. I'd like to discuss IT security specialist position at your company. - Ok. Send your CV, please. - You already have it at your desktop."

"What do you call a Pikachu caught in Brazil? A Zikachu"

"Hush little baby, Don't say a word. Daddy's gonna buy you a bunch of crap so he doesn't have to hear your incessant whining ya spoiled brat."

"A photon walked into a hotel. The clerk asked it it would like a hand with it's luggage... ""No thank-you"", said the photon, ""I'm travelling light""."

"My cat just sneezed directly into my eyeballs so I'll probably be dead soon. Goodbye, guys. No, you can't have my stuff."

"What did the bird say when it flew into the window? Owl"

"Florida mom delivers 14-pound baby after surprise pregnancy . Florida?? NO PART of this story surprises me."

"I'm gonna get a tattoo of me getting a tattoo of me getting a tattoo. Inkception."

"[date at rooftop bar] give me ur hand ""Is tha-are u wearing a squirrel tail?"" *rips off jacket to reveal flying squirrel suit* do u trust me"