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Joke of the Day

"[date at rooftop bar] give me ur hand ""Is tha-are u wearing a squirrel tail?"" *rips off jacket to reveal flying squirrel suit* do u trust me"

"Pilot makes a sudden sharp turn, comes on speaker ""Just kidding!! Attendants will be by with new underwear. Have a nice flight everybody."""

"Does it mean you have a small dick if you never got a toothy blow job? No it doesn't I'm asking for a friend because I've never got one"

"Fun Fact: Organic milk only comes from cows that do yoga and moo about being a vegetarian or marathons they were in."

"adopted son son: mom i am 100% sure i am adopted, you do not Love me. mom: if we have had adopted a child, we would have adopted the one with better face."

"""I'm not washing it, I'm just gonna shove it in a pony."" If you're a girl, that sentence is actually ok."

"Girl are you the legendary Pokemon Mewtwo? Because I've been playing with my balls all day and you're nowhere to be found."

"My friend claims that he is a blacksmith But everything he makes is forged."

"Thanks to Volkswagen, I'm now even starting to doubt if Herbie was a true story."

"people said my days of misquoting famous idioms were over but I'm like a phoenix rising from molasses"