172203

Joke of the Day

"Guess how I spell distraction? R-E-D-D-I-T"

"Did you know that protons have mass? >Yes Well I didn't even know they were Catholic!"

"I will have enough money for the rest of my life. Of course, if I don't buy and eat anything."

"If you steal my identity and get a credit card I'll be impressed. Not because you stole my identity, but because you got approved. Kudos!"

"Why can't the T-rex do any push ups? Small arms? No it's because dinosaurs are extinct you dumbass."

"Why are a lot of Italians named Tony? Because as they got on the boat to leave Italy, they were stamped on the head, ""TO NY""."

"What did the photographer say when he retired? ""I can't take it anymore!"""

"What do you get if you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo."

"Today my mum told me I wasn't an only child.... Today my mum said that I was an only child. I said, I already knew that mum seeing as dad is in jail for rape."

"Sorry about all the Mario references. I didn't mean to one-up you. I'll pipe down."